don't go breaking my heart

In a concrete jungle, among the wilde-taxis, the lioness sings about the circle of life... you have a bad day at work, your love life sucks, you feel unloved and then you drop a bundle of cash on a pretty dress or a beautiful pair of shoes. At least that's what I thought but the last few days have been somewhat of a curve ball. Work had been okay the last few days. And today was actually an exceptionally good and rewarding day (I won't go into detail). But I have been shopping and my attempts at retail therapy have gone wrong. Something's not right.
Instance 1) I went shopping on the cheap at H&M, spent a lot of money, in two instances. Then I came home and realised I hated half of what I had bought and proceeded to return them.
Instance 2) I ordered two pairs of premium denim (evidently a brand worn by Halle Berry - no, my ass does not compare) and they were too loose. Now I have to return them.
Instance 3 is what has broken my cold heart in two, Instance 3 is like a scissor to an expired credit card... Instance 3 is a gorgeous, teal colored silk off-shoulder dress from Badgeley Mischka...yes my first Badgeley Fucking Mischka. Instance 3 arrived today and I went home early to greet it, try it and love it. Alas it was not to be. The dress looked fantastic and I could tell just by looking at it, that it was the right size and yet it wasn't. The neckline was too deep and not PG-rated at all, which isn't such a big deal but there was just way too much cleavage and I just couldn't breathe. The empire waist was a wee bit tight and the silk was ironed all wrong. All in all, it was a GIPE - good idea, poor execution. And yes I have gained some weight. Ugh. So yes, this beauty needs to be returned.

This weekend, I will do the traditional thing and hit the stores...the real physical stores...In the meantime, there is a flouncy magenta dress from Romeo&Juliet Couture with my name on it somewhere in a UPS truck. And if that doesn't fit, then so help me God...

don't look back in anger

This was a rather special weekend, warm and fuzzy... like the elusive shearling boots I still haven't found.

I left work early on friday (early meaning 630pm) and came straight home. Between episodes of South Park, I worked on my CV all night until 1 am. That was one of the objectives of the weekend - updating the CV that had been untouched since the beginning of the year. The next morning I was up early - it was one of those rainy cold mornings where getting out of bed is out of question let alone getting out of the apartment. So I stayed in bed and worked on the CV again till it was early afternoon. Casa and Brendan and Santa had all chipped in with tips, suggestions and criticisms. I finally uploaded my CV to the bank website and felt mighty proud - my first job application in months. One small step for all women who are scared of being housewives, one big step for me.

Now to the more fun part of the weekend. Off I went to the grocery stores for I was going to throw a South Indian feast for Zip and En and a host of other friends. It was a New York brunch by way of Kerala...and there were going to be no shortcuts. If that meant grinding my own idli batter, then so be it. I soaked grains and blanched spinach and boiled tamarind and pureed coconuts. And it was bundles of fun...

In between I had one rather unpleasant episode - I decided to go see Coco before Chanel with Dana. My first impression of this girl way back in business school was that I couldn't stand her guts, she seemed to represent all that was wrong with the representation of women in society, and while I don't care to explain myself in detail, I can tell you that when she moved to New York a few weeks ago, I was willing to overturn my previous judgement in lieu of a fair chance and in the hope that if I spent quality time with her, I would see a better side of her. After all, if she went to the same business school as I, she couldn't possibly be as air-headed as she acted. Boy, was I wrong.
The movie itself, was too self-involved...and I didn't really like it. And to add to my misery, Dana insisted on following me home because she wanted to watch me cook. Fine, she changed into my clothes (I assumed she wanted to be comfy), we opened a bottle of wine and talked, and by that I mean, she talked...constantly....about herself, her expensive clothes, her expensive shoes, her need for a man, her search for the older, richer guy.... I know that we all don't have the same values in life and that in theory, you can't judge someone for believing in different ideals....but can you judge someone for not having any ideals? Can you judge someone who constantly complains about not being able to find a man (why your life depends on the presence of man is itself baffling to me but even so) and then rejects every man for not being tall enough or rich enough or old enough and so forth? She also drank a bowl of the lentils I'd cooked.

So that's how that night passed. At midnight she decided to leave to have drinks with a friend. And she says "Do you think I should shower? What if I smell like curry?" ...I cannot properly express just how offended I felt at her question and the realization that was the real reason why she changed into my clothes aggrevated me even more and the fact that I didn't tell her off, even more. I do believe that that was truly the most unrefined, disgusting, offensive and racist thing I have heard coming from someone sitting in my apartment, wearing my clothes and eating my food. I am henceforth writing Dana off as a vile, senseless excuse for a human being and a superficial shell of a woman. It's because of superficial, money minded women like you that the rest of us get a bad name.

Back to the party. The idli maavu (batter) did not quite ferment right so I decided to make uttappams instead and they turned out pretty damn well. I served with a gingery chutney. The Keerai molagutal (spinach lentils) were probably the hit of the party (with the least leftovers), which were served with vendaka pachadi (ladies finger in tamarind sauce). I had also made aviyal and rasam. The pictures don't look too pretty because I was serving tons of food in the biggest tupperware I had! En volunteered to make virgin mooru-gheritas and tamarind daquiris and we watched a telugu movie (because the mallu one had no subtitles). We ate with our hands and we ate and ate till it was late. And then we ate and drank some more and went out to get chaat. You could say it was a truly Indian way to spend a perfect New York Sunday.

innocent

I think I can safely say that I have spent a major portion of my adult life being jaded and perpetually dissatisfied. I'd attribute this to one part existential crisis and nine parts being shit out of luck. I also spent my entire adult life taking care of myself with barely anyone being around to vent out my true feelings or fears to. It's not that I didn't have friends, it was more that I never really opened up completely to anybody.

But a couple of years ago, I led myself to believe that things were taking a turn for the better. That everything would be alright. That I could "depend" on other human beings for support. Recent events have made me realise that that, to put it bluntly, I was grossly mistaken. That that was just an aberration. That I am always meant to miss that feeling of completeness. That I am alone. I am alone when I am alone, when I am with someone, when I am with friends, when I am with throngs of people.

You must wonder what is bringing this on; well it's not one isolated incident, obviously. It's a slow realization - a jigsaw that starts getting assembled piece by piece with every little disappointing episode, when you end up hammering heavy paintings on your walls because apparently you can't get help even when you're willing to pay or when you get home from work to an empty apartment and have to do your laundry at 1am because you dont have any other time or when noone really really listens to what you have to say anymore without interrupting (in the name of empathizing) or when the ones you love the most hurt you the most (and often). Yes, that jigsaw, the one you broke up, shuffled and stowed away 2 years ago because there were other paintings to paint.

What really stings is not the loneliness itself nor that relentless feeling of accountability and pressure (that is in some part, self-inflicted), but the inability to understand why those around exacerbate the pressure, why they choose to kick me when I'm down.

I don't know what to wish for. I don't know how to tell them that I don't like how they're treating me. I don't want to feel alone when there are people who claim to be family. I want to be rude, I want to stand up for my feelings but I don't want to hurt them the way they hurt me. I want to tell someone how I really feel. I want to talk and actually be listened to without being interrupted. I want to scream at something or someone other than this screen. And in the meantime, it's back to being jaded.

hey soul sister

Finally.. Train did it...A long long time after drops of jupiter, Train's come back with a really worthy follow-up to the most beautiful song of all time.. and it's called "hey soul sister". And I just purchased it from iTunes sitting in the lounge of Newark airport while waiting for my flight to Singapore. I cannnnnnnootttt wait to see Brendan, it's been so long...way too long! And this cheerful and pretty little song is putting a smile on my face and I intend to play it on infinite loop for at least some part of my 20 hour flight to Singapore...

We are going to Phuket together the next weekend. I found a villa with a private pool and I can hardly wait...to eat awesome Thai food, buy awesome Thai handicrafts, try on my new bcbg maillots, take the Thai sun in at the beach..Aaahhh it's been way way way too long.

There are other new things to try... like the Chantelle, cK and dkny lingerie I managed to score right on time for the trip. Hee Hee...I am liking New York, aren't I? I only wish I had had the time off frm work to go buy something for Brendan! ARGH

I am off to Singapore for two whole weeks.. I know that two weeks will pass before you can say "chili crab" ....but I have to make hte most of it..I want to make Brendan breakfast, go dancing like I've never been to a club before, eat tons of spicy food and maybe shop just a wee bit.

I am going to call this "fifteen dresses", because every evening is going to be a date with Brendan and I am going to wear every new dress I bought in new York (well not all, not the formal ones), every dress he hasn't seen. It's going to be so much fun!

Anyway, it's almost time for my flight and I am going to finish one more episode of South Park...

Well you can cut a rug
Watching you is the only drug I need
So gangster, I'm so thug
You're the only one I'm dreaming of
You see I can be myself now finally
In fact there's nothing I cant be
I want the world to see you'll be with me

boom boom pow

The Jups has been frustrated. She has been far too busy for far too long. Her boss adores her but tortures her, it's like a dysfunctional relationship. She needs a break and so a break she is getting. Tomorrow she heads to San Diego - a city she doesn't know much about. She knows that it has the swankiest most wicked Hard Rock hotel (are there hard rock hotels in other places?). She would really like to spend a night or two in this hotel but this hotel is far too sexy to sleep in without the possibility of getting laid. And since Jups is going to San Diego with two very sweet dutch friends who recently got engaged, third wheel and sexy feelings don't go hand in hand. So the Jups will return. In the meantime, she will stay in a gorgeous suite near Balboa park. She will spend a day alone and meet her friends for dinner and then they will go to see Shamu aka "willy" from "free willy" at seaworld. She will have dinner at "Nobu" and (possibly maybe) party with Lil' Jon at 207 if she is actually let in. For the record she hates guest lists - they are pretentious and redundant. Nonetheless she needs to decide what dress to be seen in. Maybe this blue one? Or maybe something a little less summery and more slutty? He he.
She hopes for good weather and loads of energy so she can walk around with her new camera and takes lots of pictures. She hopes that one such picture involves herself and a giraffe. Pretty please.
She generally hopes to forget about work and all the crap that comes with it because she really needs a break from the never-ending stint of late nights and early morning conferences.

She was so bored last night waiting for updates from her boss that she went online on 4 different websites and shopped for over 300$ worth of stuff including a random red belt that she saw on a waiter in Soho . Yes, such boredom is injurious to the wallet.

In the meantime, she must ruin her lunch by dragging herself to that painful, crowded, annoying Apple store on fifth avenue to get her stupid piece of shit iphone fixed. An Apple product that disappoints - yeap there's a first.

i got a feeling

Right. I finally have a few free minutes to breathe, think, write. What a horrible few weeks it has been. Work has been utterly crazy – no time for lunch, working past midnight, too many issues, too much pressure. I am running a slight temperature and I don’t feel too good. I have no time to clean the apartment or do laundry or cook…I can’t remember the last time I cooked something and that’s a huge deal for me. I have gained 3-4 kilos i.e. I’ve gained everything I worked so hard to lose before the engagement and then some. I feel gross and unhealthy and my back is stiff from sitting at my chair and from not getting any exercise. I haven’t seen the pool in over a month nor have I had a chance to try the new coconut bubble bath I ordered online. I haven’t had time to order myself a pair of comfortable shoes that I really badly need. I haven’t had the time to buy my mandatory new birthday outfit (which is a non-negotiable!)
And that brings me to the grouse of the day. My birthday. If you read the Juice as fervently and enthusiastically as I do (and you should), you should know Jups’ annual birthday tradition – the birthday rhyme. Granted I realize I broke this awesome tradition in 2008 but I’ll be damned if I didn’t keep it this year. There is a lot to crib about but there is a lot to be grateful for too.



(Minutes later, I was interrupted... for a week)...

After having my birthday week completely ruined for a project that got canned on the following Sunday (after I had worked a couple hours on the Saturday and Sunday as well), I was quite determined to have fun on the weekend. On friday night, I went out to Hoboken to a friend's party - I use the term friend loosely as it was a french girl who I had "picked up" the previous saturday - she was drunk out of her mind and in no position to go home alone and so i let her stay at my place...Fun eh? We even had brunch the next day. Anyway, that was friday night...Saturday was spent cleaning cleaning cleaning and then I had dinner at a lovely Thai resto with Zip. And then we forced ourselves to go clubbing - we went to a dodgy little bar in the east village. On Sunday, I went on a dress hunt - this time I was coveting another BCBG dress in regal blue silk with assymetric lines. I have been wanting this dress since the day it was launched couple of months ago..but it was too expensive.. now that it was on sale, I just had to have it. And I do. It is gorgeous (don't you think so?) and not very practical but the colour is an almost-purple - it is very flattering and I fit into a size 2 (it is a loose-ish dress). I also made off with two gorgeous maillots (and would have bought another bikini too but I am still overweight and hardly bikini ready). I threw in a pair of hoop earrings I was mighty pleased with myself. Zip and I then went to B&H to check out cameras and while we didn't buy anything (the store closes too soon), I have a good idea of what I want.


As part of the continued celebrations of "making up for the lost birthday", I signed up for an at&t iphone plan - so I finally have an iphone and that is one of the reasons I am able to post this picture from work.I did however have to pay a solid 500$ as deposit because I have no credit history and that (along with the cufflink purchases that you will read about soon) has effectively wiped out my bank balance for this fortnight and that's the first that's happened to me in new york. Sigh. I have to last 10 days on 170$ now.
The good news is that "there's an app for everyone" and my app is a "lose it" program that helps me track my food intake!

I also had to spend 200$ on cufflinks from some English designer that happened to go on scale today. Why? Because I bought these cute cufflinks and shirts for my brother and ups-ed them to my cousin who took the shirts but threw the ups box with the cufflinks into the garbage. Painful, I know. So to make up for his disappointment, I purchased these new ones and now i have to figure out a foolproof way of sending them to India.

In other "I dont need a man" news, I finally gave up on waiting for the maintenance guys to help me hang up my paintings and did it myself. It took me 1.5 hours to do it but I did it and I did it right. You're thinking, why would it take that long? Well, because my paintings are large and heavy (relative to my height anyway) and because they have double holes not a single one to hang by. And that means you have to be precise about the nails because you can't adjust shit once it's all done. So that means several measurments and only one attempt to get it right. The first painting came out right. The second - well, the nails ended up being 30.5 inches apart when they should have been 31. Oops. There was no way I could hammer another nail .5 inches away, the outer glove for the nail itself was broader than that. So I cheated. I moved the holes on the painting by unscrewing the hangers and re-screwing them on 30.5 inches apart. And voila. All done, the apartment suddenly looks all set up. Now for some pictures...

And now, I just returned from a very (too) filling lunch at Tao, a famous restaurant (that was once featured on sex and the city) - thank God that I have a relaxed friday (compared to last week when I worked until 11pm on friday). Plan for the evening:clean up apartment - I have guests arriving tonight (and apparently they have brought me gifts). wooo hooooo and tonight's gonna be a good good night....

let's hope it's a bon weekend!

p.s. And by the time this post was published, I had gone to the pool in a brand new maillot, had a bubble bath in the coconutty bath bubbles, walked back home from work twice and thus gotten some exercise. I still haven't ordered the shoes (and can't thanks to my bank balance) and I still haven't written the birthday poem.

Strawberry Swing

More than two weeks ago, I started this post at bombay airport...I've recorded every miniscule detail of the engagement so read at your own risk. The only detail I've missed out is the one day Brendan and I had to ourselves - the day he proposed to me, the day we tried to go to my favourite Rajasthani restaurant for lunch but instead got stranded in traffic and rain and ended up eating haji ali pizza in the car (if you're from bombay, you are totally "getting" this). Ohkay, I guess that covers it.

It's yet another airport post and this time it's being typed with henna-ed hands with french manicured tips and more importantly, whilst wearing a pristinely beautiful diamond ring. The past week has been overwhelming in more ways than one. There was a little bit of everything - a little bit of filial piety, a little bit of intimacy with the fiance, a little bit of a lot of great food, a little bit of fabulous Indian fashion, I don't quite know what to start with. I am very happy and extremely sad - happy to have had such a lovely week, such a lovely ceremony and so much love while the thought of leaving everything I hold dear behind breaks my heart just a wee bit. Maybe it's the fact that New York is so much farther away than anywhere else I've ever lived in that the distance makes me ten times more homesick and lovesick.
I dropped Brendan off at the airport and didn't really cry. I was holding back and besides, I had already cried my heart out in the unlikiest of places - an Italian restaurant, not too far from my house. (This picture of the ring was taken a mere few hours earlier at our movie date, minutes after he "proposed"). I feel miserable knowing that I cannot be (at least not right now) in the same postal code as the sweetest person in the world. I feel angry knowing that I am wholly to blame for the position I am. I feel confused because I don't want to do something drastic to fix the problem. But I do know that Brendan and I are heading in the right direction. There is comfort in looking at his precious face across the banquet hall, where we are seated cross-legged as the priest speaks a language we don't nearly understand, that he is the one. Sigh.
The families seemed to get along really well and that was a relief of sorts and inspiring too to see that two families that couldn't be more different really made an effort to mingle and socialise and be friendlier than was well, required. While the entire engagement went down tam brahm style, the in-laws to be paid close attention to all the proceedings and finally requested the priest to add some pahaadi rituals at the end - It was really cute, I held a pot of water on my head and then they drank from it.
My sarees were totally fabulous - the only thing I could have asked for was that I got to wear them for equal amounts of time. I ended up wearing the first one only for an hour - the first hour - and most of the people ended up arriving late enough to miss it. Said first one was a Kancheepuram silk in lotus pink with overall zari and truly fantastic embroidery all over that in gold and stones and mirrors. It was a Kancheepuram saree like no other and everyone seemed to agree. I wore a pretty-much backless blouse with it with shoe lace tie-ups at the back. Very cute and it played off the weight of the saree nicely. I matched it with diamond and pink sapphire earrings (ones I'd been saving for exactly this sa ree) and the diamond necklace my mom wore at her wedding. It had that "something old" and "something borrowed" feel. The other saree in sheer contrast (pun intended) was a sheer saree made entirely with bright silver and diamante embroidery. I matched this with a diamond necklace and earrings set that grandma bought me from tbz a couple of years ago.
The shoes - I had to search high and low and I finally found a pair that was perfect - (Thin) strappy mules studded with pale pink diamante - they couldn't have matched both sarees more perfectly. The heels were 3.5 inches high - high enough for me to look tall and low enough to be comfortable. Now if only the priest didn't ask me to remove them.
For the first hour, Brendan wore a cream kurta with red embroidery - thank heavens it wasn't one of those done-to-death shervani with bandhini dupatta combinations that don't look good on anyone whose name isn't Shah Rukh Khan. He wore the cutest pair of white jootis with it and I was thoroughly impressed with how boyish he looked. His grey bespoke suit was stylish as hell and fitted him like a glove. The Salvatore Ferragamo purple tie looked utterly amazing against the grey and white and I am so proud of myself for that, of course my little purchase pales in comparison to the 5 digit ring purchase and indeed mr.fiance had to rub that in my face!
The food was fabulous and I am not just saying that because it was my engagement. Booboo had suggested the venue and it was one where a lot of celebrity weddings take place in Mumbai. The servers (in suits) served the yummiest of appetisers - basil paneer tikkas, spring rolls, corn cheese balls and hara bhara kababs. I only got to eat a couple of these after the ceremony (I was starving till 12!)...The lunch menu was amazing as well and I was told that the desserts were the best - I would tend to agree except that I thought that even the mains were stunning. There was a dosa station serving up 7 kinds of dosas. The makai palak was to die for as was the paneer lababdaar. The dessert spread was vast - 5 different kinds of cakes that kept changing every 15 minutes, hot jalebis with rabri and finally the crown jewels - malai kulfee and chikki kulfee. If it wasn't my own engagement, I would have buried my face in that kulfee.



So anyway, the whole thing went quite smoothly - I got two cute clutches, one from Nicky and the other from my mom's best friend. Lime green and hot pink - we likey! We also received several bouquets - I found it quite wasteful because what is one family supposed to do with 40 bouquets?!



I was back in NYC on Monday and back in the office at 7 tuesday morning. Sigh, life is one heck of a curveball. One Sunday later, I was hungover from a batshit crazy party (I will tell you more about this madness soon) and mom starts planning the wedding. Being Indian is delightful...ly painful.



Coming up next: Jups' aforementioned batshit insane housewarming party and Jups' crazy Sunday spent in a swampy Coldplay concert. And speaking of which,



Now the sky could be blue

I don't mind

Without you it's a waste of time

Now the sky could be blue

Could be grey

Without you I'm just miles away...........................

I knew I loved you

It's July 1st already! Can you believe it's over 4 months since I've been here? More importantly, it's 2 more days to India...and 1 more week to seeing Brendan and a few more than that to be being engaged! I am looking forward to this trip if not just for that then for the one time that I can be in India and really be accepted by everyone because i have finally taken the bait and decided to "settle down". It's quite a different story though that we haven't set a date for the wedding and we are in no hurry to do that.

The last weekend was crazy - I spent most of it shopping. Now before you go bouncing off the walls, let me inform you that I was not shopping for myself..most of the time. I was shopping for the family and by family I mean my family, my fiancé and the in-laws. Gulp.

Saturday was spent skyping with mom who has been graciously easing my errands by finding the stuff she wants online. Endless bags and clutches and shoes were ordered on Endless.com. They arrived yesterday - comfortable and stylish heels that mom will love to wear (she's short like me, so no flats!), bejewelled flats for grandma to wear at the engagement, evening bags and clutches for mom and mom-in-law - anything to make the leading ladies of both families look their best. Boo, being the spoilt brat that he is, had a long list of things he needed from the sister who is finally seeing a paycheck again after what seems like centuries...ed hardy jeans, ralph lauren tees, dress shirts for the new job he starts soon, PSP games.. I have obliged. Groan.

On Sunday, I had other things to buy from the list. The first and the most important thing was an Hermes tie for Brendan to wear with his new bespoke suit. Why Hermes? Nothing but the best for my baby! No seriously, I think Hermes is the best when to comes to silk accessories and I have always bought into their pretty orange boxes and someday I hope I can have a beautiful scarf to call my own. Swoon. Anyway, yes the plan on Sunday was to first go to Hermes. I put on a pretty dress because I wanted to be treated right (and you can think that's super pretentious but that's how these damned stores are) and I called them in advance and what do i find out? THEY ARE CLOSED ON SUNDAY! Doesn't get more French than zhat, does eet? Fuck and double fuck! Now you're thinking, what's the big deal, go on Monday or Tuesday or whenever, right? wrong, because I knew the week would be too busy for me to be able to leave before 6 (and yes the store closes at 6!). And then it dawned on me, if not Hermes then.....Ferragamo...Salvatore Ferragamo ("I can kill you with a single tie... ha ha"). I called the store and praise the lord, it was open. The guard who opened the door said "Good afternoon, ma-am, you look lovely today". Why thank you! (Yes I am gullible). A nice Lebanese salesman helped me pick and model the ties on himself (he had on a grey suit and Brendan also plans to wear grey) and I chose one within ten minutes of entering the store. It is a purple spotty tie in shiny silk and the design is woven as opposed to printed; it wasn't on sale but it wasn't expensive either and I can only hope that Brendan likes it. Mission Success.

Next stop, perfume and makeup shopping intended for the sister-in-law-to-be. I picked up a DKNY perfume set for Brendan's sister at Sephora and then I went into Bloomingdales to hunt for a discontinued Dior perfume that my grandmom likes. Here I ended up getting a free eye makeup lesson and buying some nice makeup. The makeup artist at the Lancome counter did a vibrant eye makeover at my request that it match a pink or purple saree - he must have used 10 brushes and 5 shades and God knows know many bases/primers. I walked off with two shades of eyeshadow in pink and bronze and several freebies (that had the other shades I needed to complete the look, whooopeee!). All I need to do now is buy some brushes and practise, not unlike what one would do if one painted. In between I picked up a highlighter (read a stick that makes my undereye area look more appealing) while being told that I have hideous skin and that I have no clue when it comes to skincare. For what it's worth I am having an explosion of freckles on my face and it is inexplicable and worrisome and I need to see a dermatologist when Iget back. (But regardless not wearing primer, highlighter, foundation and concealer on a daily basis isn't a crime!)

And so it was a pretty productive day even though I didn't technically cross out most of the list until yesterday. It did get overwhelming - the pressure to make sure that every member of both families like what you get for them, the realization that you have to think about two families or that you have to use the suffix "in-law" in your vocabulary. Who would have thought that shopping leads to introspection?!

This morning (or rather this evening in Singapore), Brendan picked up my ring. Can I get a woohoo?! Super Sap-tastic post title dedicated to my baby of course! * croons," I knew I loved you before I met you, I think I dreamed you into life" and swoons*

remember the time

I met an old friend yesterday for a drink or should I say someone who used to be a friend and now is merely an acquaintance who keeps a safe distance. She is a good person and I have nothing against her. But I see in her what I see in so many of my female friends who got married – a superiority complex. She has turned into a typical DINKs type who compares everything everywhere to her own super-awesome worry-free existence and is only all too quick to judge. I am happy for her but being unmarried (at least the moment) doesn’t make me any less fantastic. She was surprised to learn that I save money despite my ridiculous shopping benders. She was surprised that my apartment was a decent size (she said, and I quote, she wanted to check it out to see what all the fuss on facebook was about.) She made little of my job and my company, even though she knows I did reasonably well for myself. She said she couldn’t meet today because she had plans with married people. Obviously I don’t fit the demographic. As my colleague rightly said, such women think “All women want to steal and bed my husband in positions I can’t even dream of”. What other rationale excuse can you have for not even inviting someone who used to be a good friend to you and take care of you whenever you visited her city to dinner at your supposedly lovely home? Wouldn’t you want to introduce an old friend to your husband, seeing as the two have never met? Or are you really that paranoid even after being married for 2 years?

Well, whatever. As zip observed, she’s in too much of a hurry to be all grown up. Maturity is over-rated. And it’s only too ironic that I must think of this now, now that I have found out that Michael Jackson has moved on from this world. In a world where most of us want to grow up, he wanted to continue being a child forever. I think it’s sad that he always had an abnormal and sad life despite the fact that he gave us so much in terms of music and dance. I am a child of the 80s and my first dance performance was to “Remember the time”.

I know it’s clichéd to say something nice about someone right after they’ve passed away but it’s Michael Jackson for crying out loud! There has never been and there never will be ANYONE like him. And yes I did hate him at one point but then a year or so ago, I read in detail about his life and how unfair it had been. People with less fucked up childhood have turned out to be murderers and rapists, so well, with his childhood, it’s no surprise that he was confused and strange. In fact, to have no childhood at all and turn into the greatest pop icon on the planet… that’s greatness. Anyone and I mean anyone from an 80-year old in Kazakhistan to a 7-year old in India would know him, his music and his dance. I don’t think even Lennon or Presley can boast of that much stardom and truly universal popularity. So long, MJ and thanks for all the memories.

easy as life

I need something... ice cream.. but i need to lose weight...shoes...but i know i shouldn't shop so much...a hug.. but he's so angry with me.. and so far away...